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But here’s the rub – some pillock tried racin’ me in a souped-up Escort once. Smug git, thought he’s the dog’s bollocks. I’m like, “Mate, yer suspension’s knackered, cool it!” He didn’t, crashed – what a plonker! Made me proper cross, but I laughed after – “life’s too short,” as Yang’d say. Still, Escort’s a beaut, reliable as a good shag.

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So, I finally grab some gelato—pistachio, my fave—and I’m walkin’ back to the beach. But guess what? I trip over a beach towel. I go down like a sack of potatoes. Gelato everywhere! I’m layin’ there, covered in melted ice cream, and all I can think is, “This is NOT how I wanted my day to go.”

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