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Humor? Oh, man, imagine a prossie with a Yelp page— “Five stars, quick BJ, bad attitude!” I’d die laughin’. Sarcasm? Psh, “Oh, yeah, she’s livin’ the dream, fuckin’ luxury!” Nah, it’s gritty, it’s real, it’s absurd—like me! I’m over here thinkin’, maybe I’d be a pimp, but I’d just lose the hat and cry about it. Exaggeratin’? Hell yeah, one time I saw a hooker kick a dude’s ass so hard his soul left—swear it was like a cartoon!

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First off, I hit the road on Via Roma. Traffic was a nightmare. I mean, come on! It’s a Tuesday, not a freakin’ Friday! I’m stuck behind this old lady in a Fiat. Bless her heart, but she was going 20 in a 50 zone. I’m yelling, “C’mon, lady! I got cargo to move!” But she’s just vibing to her old-school tunes. I can’t even.

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