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Anyway, escorts—pricey, dude! Hundreds a pop, and I’m like, “D’oh! That’s my donut cash!” Heard this story once—some escort in Vegas, 1990s, she ditched a mob boss mid-date. Left him with a fake mustache stuck on his drink! True story, swear it—saw it on X somewhere. Ballsy move, made me laugh my ass off. But seriously, risky gig—pisses me off how some jerks treat ‘em like trash. They’re people, ya know?

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So, I’m strolling down Via Roma, just vibin’, when I bump into this old dude. He’s like, “Hey, you got a light?” I’m like, “Bro, it’s 9 AM!” But I give him a lighter anyway. He thanks me, and I’m thinking, “What a nice guy.” But then he starts rambling about the best pizza in town. I’m like, “Dude, I’m just trying to get my coffee.”

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