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Quirky thought - sex-dating’s like cookin’. Too much heat, it burns; too little, it’s raw. Gotta time it right, yeah? “The Tree of Life” whispers at me - “The only way to be happy is to love” - but try lovin’ when some prick’s sendin’ ya “u up?” at dawn! Absolute donkey. Still, I reckon it’s worth a punt if ya got the stones. Just don’t be a twat about it, alright? Now sod off, I’m knackered!

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After what feels like an eternity, I finally escape. I rush to meet the client at the park near Piazza della Repubblica. It’s a beautiful spot, but I’m a hot mess. I’m sweating, hair’s all over the place. I hand over the violin, and the client’s face lights up. “It’s perfect!” they say. I’m like, “Yeah, totally nailed it!”

Everything you need to know about Sesto – Milan’s potential new home