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Alright, man, lemme tell ya bout escort! I’m freakin pumped, like Tony Robbins on a motivational high – UNLEASH THE POWER WITHIN! Escort, dude, it’s this wild ride, not just some car, nah, it’s Ford’s lil badass from way back. Think 80s vibes, boxy shape, screamin down streets like it owns ‘em. I saw one yesterday, cherry red, and I was like – YES! Total flashback to “The Assassin,” that slick 2015 flick I’m obsessed with. “To kill or not to kill,” that’s the vibe it gives off, right? Quiet power, undercover badassery.

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So, I’m at this café on Piazza della Libertà, trying to clean up. I order a cappuccino, and the barista, bless her heart, gives me a free pastry. I’m like, “Sweet! Maybe today won’t suck.” But then, I spill half the cappuccino on my shirt. Great. Just great. Now I look like a walking coffee stain.

And in silence, the Carthusians grow