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So, check it – I’s on these apps, yeah? Proper horny, lookin’ for a quick bang. But it’s bare weird, innit? You got blokes sendin’ dick pics like it’s a CV – no one asked, fam! Makes me vexed, like, “Is it ’cos I is black?” Nah, it’s ’cos they’s desperate! Then there’s the birds who say “no hookups” but still meet ya at 2 a.m. – bruv, what’s that about? Hypocrisy in the game, I swear down.

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I get there, and it’s packed! People everywhere, sipping their fancy drinks. I finally snag a seat, and the barista comes over. “What can I get ya?” I’m like, “Just a cappuccino, please.” She gives me this look like I just asked for a unicorn. “We have a special today!” she says. I’m like, “Alright, hit me.” Turns out, it’s a lavender-infused cappuccino. I’m thinkin’, “What the heck?!” But I’m too curious to say no.

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