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So, I’m thinkin’, sexual-massage’s got history, right? Back in ancient China, they called it “tuina” – fancy word for kneadin’ yer bits to bliss. Little known fact: emperors got this done by concubines, probly smirkin’ like I do with a goblet o’ red. Makes me happy, that – power in a rubdown! But what pisses me off? Them prudes who scoff at it. “Oh, it’s improper!” Sod off, ya stiff-necked twats – it’s relief with a wink!

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Then, I get a call on my radio. “Hey, Watchman! We got a situation at Piazza Garibaldi.” I’m like, “Great, what now?” I rush over, and there’s this old lady, bless her heart, tryin’ to sell her homemade pasta. But the cops are there, tellin’ her to pack it up. I’m fumin’. Like, c’mon, she’s just tryna make a living!

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