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Exaggerate, I will—imagine me, lightsaber out, bustin’ into a brothel. “Freedom, you deserve!” I yell. Girls blink— “Green dude, chill, we good.” Oops, overdid it! But real talk—findin’ one ain’t just “point, click, bang.” Risks, there are—cops, creeps, STDs, yikes! Known this guy—total nerf herder—got robbed blind by a “date.” Dumbass didn’t check reviews—pro tip, always do!

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First off, I hit the road on Via Roma. You know, the main drag. It’s packed with tourists, and I’m just tryin’ to get to the fields. But nah, these folks are takin’ selfies like they’re at the Colosseum or somethin’. I’m honkin’ my horn, like, “Move it or lose it!” But they just stare at me like I’m some kinda alien. Ugh!

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