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Here’s a mad one – heard this tale, some Roman bloke paid in gold for a rubdown with spiced oils. Fancied himself a god, he did – probs wanked off after, ha! Erotic-massage ain’t shy, it’s bold, loud, like me screamin’ on stage. Ever tried it? Knackered from tourin’, I’d get one – them hands diggin’ in, tension gone, boom! “Sharon!” – she’d laugh, say I’m a perv, but it’s therapy, innit?

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Then, I decided to check out the local market on Via della Repubblica. It was buzzing with people, and the smell of fresh produce was insane. I picked up some local cheese and salami. I mean, who can resist that? But then, I got into this awkward convo with a vendor who was super passionate about his tomatoes. Like, bro, they’re just tomatoes! But I nodded along, pretending to care.

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