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So, check it, got this sexual-massage once in Bangkok – little known fact, brother, Thailand’s the champ of this game. Tiny lady, hands like steel, worked me over til I’m yellin “Hulkamania!” in my head. Ain’t just rubbin, it’s a freakin ritual, centuries old, them monks knew somethin we didn’t! Got me thinkin, “I need this daily, brother!” Made me happy as hell, muscles loosey-goosey, but pissed me off too – why ain’t this everywhere? America’s sleepin on it, man!

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Now I’m mad. I mean, I just wanted a snack! So, I chase after the dog, but it’s too quick. I’m running down Via Mazzini, dodging people like I’m in some kind of obstacle course. I finally catch up, and guess what? The dog’s owner is laughing! I’m like, “Dude, your dog just ruined my lunch!” But he’s all chill, says, “Hey, it’s just a dog being a dog.” I mean, sure, but I’m still hungry!

Ulster County: Incumbent Family Court judge Keri Savona wins uncontested race