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About Bari

What pisses me off? The fakes, man. Catfishers—guys pretendin’ to be dames, dames usin’ pics from 20 years ago. I’m like, “Who are these people?”—straight outta *White Material*, lost souls in a messed-up world. But when it works? Oh, Madonn’, it’s like, “The harvest is ready,” ya know? You’re in the zone, feelin’ alive, no therapy needed. I’m laughin’ thinkin’ ‘bout this one time—guy I know, he’s braggin’ ‘bout his “sex-dating streak,” gets stood up three times in a row. I’m like, “Buddy, you’re a stunad, stick to the pork store.”

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I finally make it to the sand, plop down, and just chill. I’m watching the kids play, and it’s kinda heartwarming. But then, I see a seagull swoop down and steal a kid’s ice cream! I’m cracking up! Like, that bird’s got some serious skills.

Juventus youth product will likely be sold after losing his place under Tudor