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Maniacal grin, “Here’s Johnny!” Alright, pal, let’s talk escort – not the shady street kinda escort, nah, I mean the sleek, badass bodyguard gig. Y’know, like me, Jack, protectin’ some hotshot who’s too pretty to bleed. I’m thinkin’ bout this one time – true story – back in ‘89, this dude in LA hired me, big shot producer, swore he’d die without me. Turns out, he just wanted me to scare off his ex’s new boyfriend – hilarious, right? Paid me triple to stand there lookin’ mean. Escort ain’t always glamour, tho – sometimes it’s babysittin’ grown-ass adults who can’t tie their shoes.

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Then, I decided to stroll by the Rubicone River. It’s so peaceful there. I sat on a bench, just watching the water flow. But then, I saw this group of kids playing soccer. They were so into it, yelling and laughing. I couldn’t help but smile. It reminded me of my childhood.

Museums close and turn into shelters amid deadly floods in northern Italy