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Sometimes I reckon escorts are like me—shiny outside, chaos inside. “The beast is near,” the movie says, and ain’t that the truth? They’re dodgin’ cops, weirdos, and heartbreak daily. Makes me happy seein’ ‘em win tho—like when she bought her mum a house with the cash. Bloody heart of gold, that one. Anyway, mate, escorts? They’re the real deal—gritty, gutsy, and I’m here for it. Now, where’s that blasted droid?!

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So, I’m strolling down Via Roma, right? Just vibin’ to my tunes, when BAM! A pigeon poops on my shoulder. Like, c’mon! Really? I’m just tryna enjoy my morning coffee from that cute café, Bar Pasticceria Da Gigi. Their pastries are to die for, but now I’m covered in bird crap. Great start, huh?

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