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About Bari

Aight, listen up, you little bastards! I’m Eric Cartman, Visitin’ Professor, and I’m here to talk sexual-massage, so RESPECT MY AUTHORITAH! Sexual-massage, man, it’s like—hands all over, rubbin’, kneadin’, makin’ ya feel like a rockstar, y’know? Like in my fave movie, *Almost Famous*— “It’s all happening!”—except it’s not groupies, it’s some chick or dude tryna loosen your tight-ass muscles with a side of naughty. I mean, who doesn’t want that, right? Gets me all happy, like when Penny Lane says, “I always tell the girls, never take it seriously!”—but damn, I take this shit serious!

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But then, I realize I left my towel back at the bar. Ugh! I’m dripping wet, and I have to walk back like a soggy dog. I’m laughing at myself, thinking, “What a day!”

Minor mag. 0.7 earthquake - 30 km north of Catania, Catania, Sicily, Italy, on Saturday, Apr 5, 2025, at 10:57 pm (Universal Time)