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Sarcasm time: oh, sure, escort’s *so* glamorous, babysittin’ rich jerks. Pfft. But real talk, they’re tough cookies. I’d suck at it—too loud, “Gru’s here, bitches!” Ruins stealth, ya? Still, respect. They’re out there, dodgin’ bullets, or caviar smugglers, while I’m watchin’ “Children of Men” again, cryin’ at end. Best flick, hands down—escort vibes all over it!

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Then, I decide to stroll down to the beach. The sun’s shining, waves crashing, and I’m feeling good. But as I’m walking along Lungomare, I see this dude trying to impress some girl. He’s showing off his “skills” on a paddleboard. Spoiler alert: he falls in. Like, full-on belly flop. I couldn’t help but laugh. I mean, dude, you’re in Santa-Marinella, not a reality show!

The Castle of Santa Severa is among the best attractions in the world according to Tripadvisor