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So, picture this – dame’s got her fingers dancin’, slidin’, and I’m like, “Why so serious?” Ha! ‘Cause this ain’t no joke, it’s fuckin’ art! Gets the blood pumpin’, heart racin’ – happier than a pig in shit. But lemme tell ya, what pisses me off? Them cheap parlors, all fake moans and no skill – fuckin’ disgrace, like Two-Face flippin’ a coin for your happy endin’. Gimme the real deal or get the fuck out!

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First off, I had to rush to the office on Via del Lavoro. I mean, who doesn’t love a little morning chaos? I spilled coffee all over my favorite shirt. Classic me, right? I was like, “Great, now I look like a walking espresso.” But whatever, I just threw on a jacket and hoped no one would notice.

An exhibition in Milan on the restoration of Antonio Campi's monumental masterpiece that inspired Caravaggio, according to Longhi