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I’m bloody chuffed sometimes, tho. Found a lass once—sweet as mead, curves like a lute. We met, we banged, no faffing about. But then—O rage!—some knave ghosted me mid-chat. “What is this shit?” I bellowed, heart all a-tangle. Sex-dating’s a gamble, mate—thou wins some, thou flops. Like Toni says, “Life’s a bloody circus!”—and ain’t that the truth?

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I get to the prison, and it’s already buzzing. The guards are all like, “You won’t believe what happened!” I’m like, “What now?” Turns out, some inmate tried to escape through the laundry room. Laundry! Can you believe that? I mean, who thinks they can just waltz out in a pile of dirty socks?

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