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“Oldboy” vibes tho – “Laugh and the world laughs with you.” Sex escort’s got that dark humor. One time, this guy I know, he hired an escort, she shows up drunk, starts quotin’ Shakespeare. He’s like, “WTF, lady?” She’s all, “To be or not to be!” Hilarious, but he was pissed – wanted a quickie, not a play. Me? I’d have died laughin’. Love that chaos.

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First off, I hit up Via Roma for some coffee. You know, the good stuff. I’m standing there, waiting for my cappuccino, and this guy in front of me orders a “decaf soy latte with extra foam.” Like, dude, what are you, a hipster from Palermo? I roll my eyes so hard, I almost see my brain. But whatever, I get my coffee, and it’s perfect. I’m feeling good, ready to tackle the day.

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