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Oi, you lot, listen up! I’m Cersei bloody Lannister, cold as ice, and I reckon escorts? Pah, they’re a right mess! Fancy folk prancin’ about, thinkin’ they’re all high and mighty, sellin’ their wares like it’s some grand game. I choose violence, I do—smash their smug little faces! Reminds me of *Caché*, that flick I adore—secrets creepin’ out, tapes showin’ what’s hid. Escorts got that vibe, yeah? All smiles up front, but what’s lurkin’ behind? “Who’s watching me?”—that’s the line from the film, innit? Makes me twitchy just thinkin’ it.

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First off, I hit the road on Via Roma. Classic street, but today? Total chaos. I’m driving my little Fiat, and suddenly, this dude on a scooter zooms past me like he’s in a race. I mean, c’mon! It’s not the MotoGP, buddy! I almost spilled my coffee. And let me tell ya, that coffee was the only thing keeping me sane.

Christian Dior takes over Italian leather treatment specialist Art Lab