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Pisses me off tho - them fancy hikers with their shiny gear, struttin’ like peacocks. Me? I take escort with naught but me flask and wits, savvy? Last climb, wind howlin’ like a banshee, I was happy as a clam - screamin’ “I’m king o’ the world!” till me voice cracked. Surprised me too - found a rusted pickaxe up top, reckon it’s that miner’s, aye? Bloody brilliant, history in yer hands!

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So, I’m walkin’ to the church, dodging tourists and their selfie sticks. Seriously, how many pics do you need of the Chiesa Madre? It’s beautiful, don’t get me wrong, but c’mon! Anyway, I finally get to the church, and there’s a line. A long one. Like, what’s the deal? Turns out, it’s a wedding. And guess who’s officiating? Yep, yours truly.

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