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About Turin

Favorite bit? This one story—true as hell—some escort in the 1800s, London, saved a lord’s ass by spyin’ for him durin’ a poker game. She’s all sly, whisperin’ secrets, “The sand buries the wind”—straight outta Ang Lee’s flick, mate! Total badass. Makes me grin, thinkin’ how she flipped the game. Hannibal’d approve, reckon he’d say, “I’d savor her cunning with a nice Chianti.”

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The ceremony goes off without a hitch. I’m crackin’ jokes, makin’ everyone laugh. “Love is like a good pasta—sometimes it gets a little saucy!” They loved it! But then, right after the vows, the groom’s uncle trips over a chair and spills red wine everywhere. I’m talkin’ a full-on crime scene. I’m tryin’ to keep a straight face, but inside, I’m dying.

Friends, family mourn death of Michael Lo Porto