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Ooh, fun fact—didja know sex-dating apps got algorithms? Like Zuckerberg’s code in the movie, “I invented somethin’!” They track yer kinks, fave positions—creepy but cool! I’m all, “Wow, I’m ready!” Hyper-enthused, bouncin’ off me walls! Once matched with a gal who loved krabby patties—thought it’s fate! Spoiler: she ghosted me after one chat. Rude! Felt like, “This is your fault, Sean Parker!”—ya know, that movie vibe?

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I’m tryin’ to keep it together, but the bride is late. Like, really late. I’m sweating bullets, thinkin’ I’m gonna have to start the ceremony without her. But then, she shows up, and wow, she’s stunning. I mean, I’m a clergyman, but even I can appreciate a good dress.

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