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So, picture this: apps like Tinder, Grindr, whatever—total meat markets. You’re scrollin’, judgin’ pics like some Asgardian god pickin’ warriors for Valhalla. I love it—pure anarchy! Makes me smirk, thinkin’, “Look at you fools chasin’ tail.” But lemme spill some tea—did ya know sex-dating’s been around forever? Romans had orgies, medieval folks banged in haylofts—apps just made it lazy. Fact: 17th-century French nobles had “sex contracts”—no love, just scheduled romps. Wild, right? History’s hornier than you think.

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I’m tryin’ to keep it together, but the bride is late. Like, really late. I’m sweating bullets, thinkin’ I’m gonna have to start the ceremony without her. But then, she shows up, and wow, she’s stunning. I mean, I’m a clergyman, but even I can appreciate a good dress.

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