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So, check this—humans hookin’ up fast. Apps like Tinder, Grindr, whatever—bam, instant matches! Little factoid: back in 2016, Tinder said 10 mil peeps got laid daily. Daily! That’s nuts, bro. Makes me happy—y’all gettin’ some! But also pissed—why so shallow? Aliens don’t get it. We mate with brainwaves, not pics.

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After that, I decide to grab some lunch. I hit up Trattoria da Gino on Via Mazzini. Best pasta in town, no cap. I order the tagliatelle al ragù, and it’s like a hug in a bowl. But then, my phone buzzes. It’s my buddy Luca, and he’s like, “Dude, you gotta see this!” I’m like, “What now?” Turns out, he’s at the gelato place down the street. So, I’m like, “Forget lunch, gelato it is!”

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