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Gets me mad tho, these posh twats sayin’ it’s a “poor man’s ride”. Oi, mate, this ain’t no prancing pony – it’s got soul! “Run away? No chance!” – that’s me yellin’ at the doubters. Surprised me how nippy it is, too – corners like a hobbit dodgin’ orcs. Once saw a lad soup his up with a turbo, thing screamed like a Nazgûl – nearly wet meself laughin’!

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But then, I see my ex. Ugh, why today? She’s with some dude, and they look all lovey-dovey. I’m just standing there, trying to act cool, but inside I’m like, “Why am I still single?” So, I just turn around and walk away.

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