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About Bologna

“Sell me this pen!” – nah, sell me yer best pickup line, ya twat! Sex-dating’s a game, yeah? Profiles lie worse than me on tour. “6 foot, ripped” – bollocks, he’s 5’2” and wheezin’. Funniest bit? Mate o’ mine matched his cousin – fuckin’ awkward family BBQ after that! “Sharon!” – she pissed herself laughin’ when I told ‘er. Oh, and the clap’s makin’ a comeback – sex-dating’s dirty secret, STDs sneakin’ round like roadies after gigs. Wrap it up, lads, or yer knob’s glowin’ green!

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But then, I saw this old guy tryin’ to haggle. He was so passionate! I mean, he was practically shoutin’. I couldn’t help but laugh. It’s like, “Dude, it’s just a tomato!” But hey, I respect the hustle.

Macomer, he steals the statue of Saint Anthony to restore it: but he does it badly