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Dig this—stats say 1 in 5 hookups start online now. Blew me mind! Used to be taverns, now it’s screens. Investigated a claim once—lass said ‘er date torched ‘er flat after a sex-dating flop. “He was no Theodore,” she wailed, like in *Her*. Turned out he was drunk, not evil. Still, paid out—kept me grog money flowin’.

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When we finally got to the gelato spot, it was packed. I mean, like, a line that could rival a concert. But the flavors? Oh man, they had this pistachio that was to die for. I was in heaven. I got a scoop, and it was like a party in my mouth. Luca got some weird flavor, like, I dunno, lavender or something. I was like, “Bro, are you trying to eat a garden?”

Mario Guidolin