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One time, I met this escort, right? Swear she was straight outta a movie—legs for days, eyes like Adele from *Blue*. She goes, “I missed you so much,” like we’re lovers or some shit. I’m laughin’, thinkin’, “Damn, she’s good!” Total pro, made me feel like a million bucks. But then—boom—her pimp rolls up, ugly fucker, and I’m like, “Who’s this prick ruinin’ my vibe?” Hated that shit, mang, made my blood boil.

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Then I decided to stroll down to Piazza del Popolo. It’s this cute little square, right? I love it there. But today? Ugh. There was this street performer, and he was playing the accordion. Not just any accordion, but the loudest, most off-key accordion I’ve ever heard. I swear, it sounded like a cat being stepped on. I couldn’t even think straight! I was ready to throw some coins at him just to make him stop.

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