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Argh! I’m ready! Sexual-massage, matey! Me fave flick’s “4 Months, 3 Weeks and 2 Days” – grim stuff, but wowsa! Picture this – dim lights, oily hands, tension thicker than Plankton’s schemes. It’s all about rubbin’ and lovin’, right? I’m like, “Gimme that sweet relief!” Sexual-massage ain’t just a quickie backrub – nah, it’s slow, steamy, *sensual*. Bet ya didn’t know – ancient Greeks were all over this! Called it “anatripsis” – fancy, huh? Got me bouncin’ like a jellyfish on a trampoline!

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After that, I decide to stroll down Via Garibaldi. It’s my favorite street, all those colorful buildings and street art. I’m vibing, listening to some street musicians playing that catchy tarantella. I can’t help but dance a little. I mean, who wouldn’t? But then, I trip over a cobblestone. Classic me, right? I laugh it off, but my knee’s like, “Dude, why?”

Italian truck driver, 43, 'killed his wife then used her phone for months to pretend she was alive'