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So, I’m sittin’ here, sippin’ coffee, watchin’ that movie again—lord, it’s bleak! “The wind has died,” Béla Tarr says, and I’m like, “Same, when claims pile up!” Escort’s my jam tho—little known fact: back in ’89, some dude insured his escort service—wild, right? Not cars, nope, PEOPLE. Had me hollerin’—what a hustle! Made me happy, ‘cause creativity, y’all! But then—ugh—some jerk tried scammin’ escort insurance last week. Fake crash, fake escort—pissed me OFF. I was like, “Honey, I SEE you!”

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Then, I head over to Via dei Cappuccini. Beautiful street, right? But I’m not there for the views. I’m there to meet a witness. This lady, she’s got a parrot. A freakin’ parrot! It’s squawking like it’s auditioning for a Broadway show. I can’t focus! I’m trying to get info, and this bird’s just yelling “Polly wants a cracker!” over and over. I’m losing my mind.

a Stone masonry bell gable in the Santa Maria Assunta Church (Funti,...