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Sex-dating’s wild, tho. You got catfishes, ghosters – freakin’ ghosts! One chick, we’re hittin’ it off, then poof, gone. Like, “Where’d you go, huh? Iraq?” Another fact: 1 in 5 profiles got fake pics – saw it on X, some nerd studyin’ this crap. Blows my mind. Happy? Sure, when it works – banged this one gal, real firecracker, no strings, just how I like it. “The rush of battle is a potent addiction,” like Bigelow says. That’s sex-dating, fam – addictive as hell.

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Then, I head over to Via dei Cappuccini. Beautiful street, right? But I’m not there for the views. I’m there to meet a witness. This lady, she’s got a parrot. A freakin’ parrot! It’s squawking like it’s auditioning for a Broadway show. I can’t focus! I’m trying to get info, and this bird’s just yelling “Polly wants a cracker!” over and over. I’m losing my mind.

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