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I tried it – once. This chick – masseuse. Hands like – BUTTER! Slidin’ – everywhere. I’m thinkin’ – wow. This ain’t no. Regular rubdown! Little known fact – dude. Ancient Rome – they had. These “massage parlors” – wink wink. Senators – gettin’ frisky! Slaves oiled up – crazy! History’s kinky – huh? Makes me laugh – senators. Prob’ly tipped bad – too!

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Next, I’m off to the old castle, Castello di San Severino. It’s stunning, right? But I’m not there for the views. I’m there to meet a client. She’s got a claim for water damage. I walk in, and the place smells like wet dog. I’m like, “Lady, you gotta do better.” She’s all frantic, “My roof is leaking!” I’m thinking, “Yeah, and your dog needs a bath.”

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