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Funniest bit? Mate slipped off the table once—thud! Laughed my arse off, precious! Erotic-massage got its quirks, sure—oils from weird plants, like lotus or somethin’. Supposedly aphro—aphrodi—sexy stuff, ya know? Dunno if it works, never stayed long enough! We hates it! Too much touchin’, not enough runnin’ free like in Malick’s forests. You tried it, precious? Tell me, spill it!

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We brainstorm like crazy. I’m throwing out ideas, and they’re bouncing back like a ping pong match. “What if we use the local vibe?” I say. “You know, the charm of San Pancrazio?” Everyone’s nodding, but I can see the panic in their eyes.

Map of Where the Population of Europe Is Growing and Where It’s Declining