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Fun fact—didya know Tinder started as a college prank? Buncha nerds codin for laughs, now it’s a global meat market. Blows my mind! I get happy seein ppl own their freak—kinks out, no shame. But the flakes? Fuckin infuriate me. “Let’s meet!” then silence—cowards! “I’m not a monster, I’m just ahead of the curve,” I growl at my phone.

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But then, outta nowhere, it starts pouring. I mean, like, monsoon-level rain. We’re sprinting down the street, trying to find shelter. I’m soaked, my gelato’s a mess, and I’m just cursing the weather. “Why, San-Nicolo, why?” I shout, and people are looking at me like I’m nuts.

Sailing new heights: Niccolò Barattieri di San Pietro, CEO of Northacre