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So escort – it’s dat gig where folks pay for company, right? Not just the hanky-panky – tho, let’s be real, dat happens! – but sometimes it’s just chattin’, arm candy, a lil’ ego boost. I mean, who wouldn’t want a hot somebody hangin’ off their arm, makin’ ‘em feel like a million bucks? “I’m alive, I’m alive!” – dat’s me quotin’ Benigno from da movie, ‘cause dat’s how it feels when yer escort’s on point!

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So, I’m strolling down Via Garibaldi, right? Just minding my own biz, thinking about grabbing a cappuccino at that cute little café, Caffè del Teatro. You know, the one with the killer pastries? But then, bam! I trip over a cobblestone. Like, who even designed these streets? I’m pretty sure they were made for medieval knights, not clumsy folks like me.

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