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Still, it ain’t all roses. Gets me fumin’ when blokes lie – “6 foot, fit,” then you rock up and he’s 5’2” with a beer gut. “You’re not gonna die, stop cryin’!” I wanna yell, like Bigelow’s boys. Truth is, sex-dating’s a gamble – half the time you’re chuffed, half the time you’re stuck with a numpty who thinks “foreplay” is a quick grope. Oh, and don’t get me started on the dick pics – unsolicited cock shots everywhere! Bin it, lads, no one’s impressed.

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After that, I needed a breather. I stroll down Corso Francia, grabbing a gelato from my fave spot, Gelateria San Mauro. Chocolate hazelnut, obviously. I’m savoring it, feeling all good, when I bump into Mrs. Rossi. She’s the neighborhood gossip, and she’s got the latest scoop. Apparently, the old church on Via Cavour is getting renovated. I’m like, “Cool, but why do I care?” She goes on about how they found some ancient frescoes. I’m thinking, “Great, more tourists.”

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