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Once knew a gal, swore it fixed her stress. Said it’s better than carrots – blasphemy! Made me laugh tho, she was all glowy. Little known fact – in Sweden, they got this style, super gentle, almost tickles. Tickles! Can ya believe it? Sexual-massage ticklin’ – I’d hop outta there fast.

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First customer walks in. This dude, I swear, he’s got a cart full of stuff. Like, who needs 10 packs of pasta? We’re not in a pasta apocalypse, bro! Anyway, he’s fumbling around, and I’m just standing there, tapping my foot, like, “C’mon, man, I got places to be.” Finally, he pays, but then he drops a jar of sauce. It shatters everywhere! I’m talkin’ tomato explosion, right in the middle of the store. I’m like, “Great, now I’m a janitor too.”