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Heard a tale – some king, fat git, loved sexual-massage. Had 10 lasses at once, greedy sod! Died happy, tho – heart gave out, ha! “Stupid, fat hobbit!” – deserved it, me says. Little fact: them Thai massages? Started in jails! Monks fixed prisoners, rubbin’ their sins away – wild, innit?

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Then, there’s this lady, right? She’s on Via Garibaldi, and she’s got a million coupons. I mean, I love a good deal, but c’mon! She’s scanning through them like she’s on a treasure hunt. I’m just standing there, watching the line behind her grow longer. People are getting antsy. I can feel the tension. It’s like a scene from a horror movie. “Coupon Lady” finally finds one that expired in 2015. I’m like, “Lady, that’s older than my grandma!”