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Oi mate, gather round! I’m strummmin’ me guitar, thinkin’ ‘bout them erotic-massages – bloody sensual stuff! We shall fight on the beaches, we shall knead on the backsides, never surrender to a stiff neck! Picture this – hands slidin’ like WALL-E’s lil’ wheels, smooth as a robot’s glide over junk piles. That movie, WALL-E, gets me every time – lonely bot, big heart, rubbish everywhere! “Directive!” he’d squeak, and I reckon an erotic-massage’s got its own directive – pure bliss, yeah?

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First off, I hit up Via Emilia, my usual coffee spot. You know, the one with the best cappuccino in town? I’m standing there, waiting for my fix, and this dude in front of me orders a “decaf soy latte.” Like, c’mon man, we’re in Italy! Get a real coffee! I’m rolling my eyes so hard, I almost see my brain.

Mechitarists getting ready for Armenian Genocide centenary