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Yo, it’s bad bitch o’clock! I’m here vibin’, talkin’ sexual-massage, y’all ready? Look, I’m obsessed with “Synecdoche, New York”—that shit’s wild, right? Life’s a damn play, and sexual-massage? It’s the steamy subplot, hunny! Lemme spill the tea—sexual-massage ain’t just rubbin’ backs, nah. It’s hands slidin’, tension buildin’, energy poppin’ off like—whoa! I got my first one, legit, years back, some underground spot. This chick, swear she had magic fingers, kneadin’ me like dough. I was like, “I’m not sad—I’m not sad,” quotin’ Caden, but damn, I was HAPPY!

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But then, outta nowhere, this kid starts crying. Like, full-on meltdown. I look over, and the poor kid dropped his gelato on the floor. I feel for him, man. I mean, who hasn’t had a gelato disaster? So, I grab a free sample cup and give it to him. His face lights up like it’s Christmas. That made my day, honestly.

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