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Alright, mate, listen up—growling, “You merely adopted the dark.” I’m a Nose, yeah, sniffin’ out the dirt in this sex-dating game. It’s wild, innit? Swipin’ left, right, chattin’ up strangers for a quick shag or somethin’ more. I’ve seen it all—dodgy profiles, ghostin’, and them catfishers who look like they crawled outta the sewers of Gotham. Makes me wanna smash somethin’, but also laugh, coz it’s so bloody absurd.

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First customer walks in. This lady, I swear, she’s got a cart full of stuff. Like, who needs 10 jars of tomato sauce? We’re not in a pasta apocalypse, lady! Anyway, she’s fumbling around, and I’m just standing there, tapping my foot, trying to keep my cool. I mean, it’s not like I’m a magician. I can’t make her find her wallet faster.

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