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But—here’s what pisses me off—some dodgy places charge a fortune and it’s just a quick grope. No finesse, no soul! Like, mate, I could shoot a henchman faster than that rubbish ends. Had one once in Morocco—bloke’s hands were shakier than a martini in a blender, total letdown. Nearly flipped the table, I was that mad. “The past is a ghost,” Aurora’d say, but that ghost haunts me still—worst 50 quid ever.

Nel cuore dell'antico Borgo

Spa & wellness centre; Steam room; Jacuzzi; Facial; Treatment room; Beauty treatment; Back massage; Head massage; Full body massage; Foot massage; Open-air bath.

Then, I spot my friend Marco. He’s the life of the party, always up for an adventure. He’s got this wild idea to go to the beach. I’m like, “Dude, it’s not even hot!” But he’s persuasive. Next thing I know, we’re at the beach, and it’s windy as heck. Sand’s flying everywhere. I’m trying to chill, but I’m basically a human sandpaper.

Scores: 2024 CDI San Giovanni in Marignano