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Listen up, idiot sandwich! Ever tried it? Not some dodgy rub-and-tug in a back alley – I mean proper sexual-massage. Ancient stuff, mate. Tantra’s where it kicked off – India, centuries back. Blokes and birds meditating with their bits out, channeling energy through touch. Sounds like hippy bollocks, but it works! Blood flow’s up, stress fucks off, and you’re buzzing like a bee on a flower. Little known fact – them old tantric lads could last hours, HOURS, without popping off. Impressed me, that did. You? Probably limp in two secs, ya twat!

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After that, we headed to the Parco della Rimembranza. It’s this beautiful park, and I thought, “Let’s chill here for a bit.” But then, outta nowhere, it started to rain! Like, seriously? I was just trying to enjoy the flowers and the vibe. So, we ducked under a tree, and I was like, “Great, now I’m gonna smell like wet dog.”

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