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So, picture this – ya boy Ali G, gettin’ a sexual-massage, yeah? Some fit bird’s got her hands all over, slidin’ like she’s tryna unlock me secrets. I’m like, “Oh, alas! I’m trapped in me own body!” – straight “Oldboy” vibes, fam. Little-known fact, right – them Thai lot, they been doin’ this mad twisty version for centuries, bendin’ ya like a pretzel, but sexy-like. Blew me mind, that did! Thought they was just about pad thai, innit?

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I walk in, and the lady behind the counter is super nice. She shows me this beautiful vase, and I’m like, “Perfect!” But then, I drop it. Yup, I dropped it. It shatters everywhere. I’m mortified! The lady just laughs and says, “Don’t worry, it happens.” I’m thinking, “Yeah, but not to me!”

Sicily is one of Europe's most overlooked tourist destinations — and these photos I took will prove it