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Gets me riled up tho, the fakers—catfish with pics from 10 years back, cheeky sods! Wasted an hour once, thought I’d nabbed a stunner, turned up, she’s got a beard longer than mine—bloody outrageous! Muttered to meself, “If you don’t stop, I’ll cut you!”—yep, nicked that from Freddie, fits the rage perfect. But when it works, oh mate, fireworks—like a shag in a thunderstorm, electric!

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I head back inside, and guess what? The printer jams. Ugh! I’m ready to throw it out the window. I’m wrestling with it, and Lucia walks by, laughing. “Need a hand?” she says. I’m like, “Nah, I got this.” Spoiler alert: I didn’t.

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