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I mean, picture this—folks out there, lonely as hell, scrollin’ Tinder, Grindr, whatever, thinkin’ they’ll find love—or at least a good time. Me? I’m sittin’ here, sippin’ my coffee, goin’, “This system’s rigged!” Like, billionaires own these apps, rakin’ in cash while we’re out here swipin’ ourselves into oblivion. “The top one percent!”—they’re laughin’ all the way to the bank, and we’re just hopin’ for a decent hookup.

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So, I hop on my scooter, zooming down Via San Giovanni. The streets are narrow, and I’m dodging potholes like it’s a video game. I swear, if I hit one more bump, I’m gonna lose my mind. And then, bam! Traffic jam on Via Cavour. Seriously? In a town this small? I’m stuck behind some old dude in a Fiat. He’s going 20 in a 50 zone. I’m like, “Dude, it’s not a Sunday drive!”

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