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About Bologna

Back in ’01, Spielberg had Gigolo Joe—what a stud, huh? “They made us too smart, too quick, and too many.” That’s sex-dating now—too many options, too fast, nobody’s real. I got pissed last week, swiped on this chick, bio said “adventurous,” turns out she meant “likes pizza.” Wow, edge of my seat. Everybody lies, and I’m over it.

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But then, my phone buzzes. It’s my buddy Marco. He’s like, “Dude, meet me at the fountain!” So, I’m rushin’ over to Fontana di San Donnino. I get there, and Marco’s not alone. He’s got a whole crew with him. They’re all laughin’ and drinkin’ spritzes. I’m like, “What’d I miss?” Turns out, they just won a bet on the soccer game. I’m happy for them, but also a bit jealous. I mean, I could use some extra cash, ya know?

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