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Oi mate, biochemist ‘ere, Ozzy Osbourne style – mumbled incoherence, “Sharon!” – talkin’ bout sex-dating, yeah! Sex-dating’s wild, innit? Like, mixin’ chemicals in me lab, but hornier. Apps like Tinder, Grindr, swipin’ right, gettin’ laid – pure chaos! Reminds me of *Wolf of Wall Street*, y’know? “I’m not fuckin’ leavin’!” – that’s me, scrollin’ profiles at 3 a.m., desperate for a shag. “Sharon!” – she’d kill me if she knew!

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Finally, I get my shot of caffeine and head to a job on Via della Libertà. It’s a small place, just a simple window replacement. Easy peasy, right? Wrong! I get there, and the lady’s like, “Oh, I changed my mind. I want a stained glass window instead.” I’m thinkin’, “Lady, I’m a glazier, not a Picasso!” But I can’t say that, so I just roll with it.

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