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Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals. I’m Ron Swanson, hate everything, ‘cept maybe a good steak. Sexual-massage? Pfft, overrated nonsense. Buncha sweaty hands rubbin’ ya down, callin’ it “therapy.” I’d rather wrestle a bear naked than pay some hippy to knead my back with lavender crap. But fine, I’ll talk about it—grudinly.

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Then, outta nowhere, this old dude, Signor Rossi, comes up. He’s like, “Hey, you! You playin’ that thing or just torturing it?” I laugh, but inside I’m like, “Dude, I’m pouring my heart out here!” But whatever, I keep playing. The guy starts dancing like he’s in a disco from the ‘70s. I can’t help but crack up.

Devastating Storms Trigger Deadly Floods and Landslides Across Switzerland and Northern Italy