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Ja, listen up, my friend! Sexual-massage, oh boy, it’s someting wild, ya? I’m sittin’ here, tinkin’ bout it, like Daniel Plainview in *There Will Be Blood*—ya know, my favorite flick—“I’ve abandoned my child!”—but nah, I ain’t abandonin’ this topic, I’m divin’ in, full Austrian power! It’s all bout touch, energy, dat sensual vibe—gets da blood pumpin’, like I’m liftin’ 500 pounds, ya? Dis ain’t just rubbin’ backs, it’s a whole damn experience—motivational, even! “I’ll be back,” I say, coz once ya try it, ya can’t quit!

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So, I rush back to the beach, thinking I’ll find my sheep wandering around. But instead, I see a bunch of people taking selfies with a giant sand sculpture. I’m like, “Really? A sand sheep?” I can’t even.

Milan doubles up at Tirreno-Adriatico finale